Busted!

Daddy, Why is mommy naked? Possible and often plausible excuses to free you from one of parenting's most awkward moments.  

Meteorological: It is hot outside and she was very warm, so she took her clothes off.

Medical: Monthly mole check

Exhaustion:She was putting on her pajamas, got really tired and decided to lay down. 

Fashion: Mommy's not naked.  Her clothing is just clear.

Political: Why is mommy naked?  That is a good question, but we need to put it into context.  I am not sure that, that is mommy and I cannot verify truly that she is indeed naked. 

Knee-Jerk: What?  Naked?  Mommy's not naked.  Go back to bed!

Just Plain Jerk:  I told you to put a lock on the damn door.

Weight Loss Update

Not having posted in a while I have not had a chance to brag endlessly about my weight loss success.  What was I thinking?  I should have posted this a long time ago.  At the third picture was taken I had lost a total of 34.5 pounds.  I am now at 37.  The loss has slowed down a bit, but it is still happening.  I have started lifting weights and doing some circuit training, so that should help kick things back into gear. 

Here is my muscly arm, after only one month lifting

And here are my legs. 

Run, Cicero, Run!

"Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book."  
~Cicero

Okay, I normally loathe a quoter, but today I am the quoter.  I suppose this is self loathing at an all new low, or would that be high.  I digress.  It seems as though everyone wants to write a book or at the very least everyone has written a book.  That oompa loo from the Jersey Shore even wrote a book.  Imagine what good ole Cicero would think of her, where he to spy her walking along to the Forum.  Surely he would think she was some sort of monster sent from the gods to destroy Rome....hold on just a second.  I think that has already happened.  Not to be outdone by anyone I too am going to write a book.  A memoir of my life.  Here are some of my better title ideas:

I, Amy

The Mom: A Confessional

The Confessions of a Stay at Home Mom (shut up~one persons redundancy is another persons branding)

The Bible (what I want it to see a lot of copies don't I)

Completely Untrue: A Memoir (this one allows for a high level of plausible deniability)


Basically, these are all about my life, only the version were I took mescaline.  Because my real life is most about taking sharp things away from children. 

I'm Sorry, What?

Admittedly it has been a while since I posted on the blog.  I have managed to keep up with my cooking blog, but getting stuff down over here proved to more than I could handle.  I have hopes that as schedule lightens up this summer and I spend more "quality time" with the children I will have more fodder for the blog. 

Here is just a sample of what you have been missing because I have been lazy.

me: I cannot believe that women in this country have only be able to vote since 1920 and even then we were often treated as chattel. 

him: I know, and this was in my great-grandmother's time.

me:  I know.  My grandmother got married and started the long arduous task to birthing NINE children, but she could not vote.  And she never learned to drive, because my grandfather did not think women should drive.  He did not even want his daughters to learn, but luckily their brothers all thought that was bunk and taught them anyway.  Hell, even you think women are physically inferior. 

him: Well, they are. 

me: (starts to rear up and get pissed).  We may not have upper body strength, but we more than make up for that with lower body strength and a high threshold for pain. It is not inferior, just different. 

him: Okay, different.  My point is just that I man could easily hurt or kill a woman, but a woman could not so easily hurt or kill a man.  If I attacked you right now, I could do some serious damage to you, but if you attacked me you could not kill me. 

me:  Oh really.  That's sounds like a challenge to me. 

him: What?

 No husband were harmed in the writing of this blog post.