Inventions That Should Be

As a parent there are several things that I think should be invented. Now, if these things have been invented, let me know because I want them. If you are talented enough to invent them, then go ahead. I ask only that you speak of me kindly and get the damn link correct.

• GPS for sippie cups: How often have you lost a beverage filled sippie cup only to find it hours, days, weeks or months later? In the case of our milkaholic(The Deedle) milk filled sippies cups found long after lost often have to be tossed directly into the trash. Never lose a sippie cup again with The Ba-Ba Locator
• Suspenders for Pregnant woman: For real, when you are pregnant those damn pants never freaking stay up. I was forever pulling the damn things up. You could have red ones, clear ones and even rainbow Mork from Ork ones. Never lose your britches again with Clip Ups for Cervical Slip Ups.
• Grown Up TV filter: Now by grown up TV, I mean programs like NCIS or CSI. This would protect against programs too gruesome or contextually mature for children. If you wish to filter porn, you need to get a lock for your door. But to filter the more minor prime time shows, try The Sesameizer. The Sesamizer will turn any prime time cop drama into an episode of Elmo is Grouchland when filtered through the eyes of a youngster.
• Sippie Cup Bungee cord: This item causes a sippie dropped from a moving car or stroller to bounce back into the hands of the offending dropper (ahem~ Deedle I am looking at you). This would stop mom or dad from having to stop and pick up the cup or better yet this would stop a jogging mom from tripping over the dropped cup. Never trip up again, with Sip Be Up, the Sippie Cup Bungee Cord.
• A Mischief Alarm: Tired of actually having to keep an eye on your children. Never fear, the Mischief Sniffer is here. This device will alert you the minute your child begins to wave that old crutch in the air dangerously near the ceiling fan.
• Mother New Little Helper~Children's Valium: Kids strung out, day to day life got them down, too much candy, too much Yo-Gabba-Gabba winding them up. Never fear, Palium(Diazapram) is here. That is right child strength Valium in convenient chewable V shaped gummies.