Screw Hiring a Nanny. I need a wife!

Today as I ran errands with two kids in tow, took one kids to swim class with second kid in tow, took two kids to post swim class celebratory cookie, ran back home to drop off kids with husband so that I could go to a dentist appointment, came home to set up dinner in the crock-pot, worked out with the "help" of a five year old, showered with the "help" of a five year old, spoke on phone with several old people with two children chiming in at regular intervals (insert huge inhale here) it dawned on me that I do not need a nanny; I need a fucking wife.

Now, now. Calm down. The Mom has not changed teams. Not that there is anything wrong with the other team. It is a great team and I love it. I firmly believe that more televised hot girl-on-girl action will cause everyone to vote YES on gay marriage. I have nothing against lesbians; I am just too fucking lazy for that shit. Women are complicated. Men are easy. I don't need a wife for the lovin aspect of my life. I need someone who will care for my home and children for free so that I can do some other shit throughout the day. Like maybe go to work and interact with adults in exchange for a salary. Or maybe shower without the "help" of anyone.

Obviously my options in this matter are limited. I could try and get a mail order bride from maybe Russia or something, but eventually she might expect to get married to someone. I could join some kind of religious group/cult which allows plural marriage, but I would look really horrible in a prairie dress. I could attempt to clone myself. They have cloned a sheep, so I think they could clone me. I am pretty sheep like at times, only my hair is not curly. I am fairly certain that curly hair would not factor heavily into the cloning process. Considering that the first two choice might result in some sort of negative legal action, I am pretty sure that cloning is my best option.

Anyone know of a place where I can get myself cloned for cheap.