Ten Reaons Why I Hate Thanksgiving!

10. The Food as it settles onto my ass,

9. The Dessert as it settles onto my thighs.

8. The Hyper Inane Prattle of an over sugared kid begging for Christmas gifts

7. The mess under the kids table. Seriously were you little boogers raised in a barn

6. The Wine Hangover

5. The Cabernet Teeth

4. Obnoxious third tier Christmas movies on a continuous loop on ABC Family.

3. The Leftovers as the settling onto my stomach and neck

2. The Family: Seriously what is wrong with these people.

and the number 1 thing that I hate Thanksgiving
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
1. The Margaritas: After kicking Jose's ass they kicked by ass and then they told me how many calories they contained as they crept onto my ass to join the stuffing I inhaled on Thurs, Fri and Sat.

Ten Reasons Why I Love Thanksgiving

10. The Food: You cannot beat the selection. Turkey, stuffing, gravy! Yumm

9. The Desserts: Yes, they are in a different category. They just are.

8. The excited chitter-chatter of children as they prepare for the Christmas home stretch

7. Getting stuck at the kids table! Love it.

6. The Wine

5. The Wine

4. Spending time with my younger teen aged brother in laws. Learning about what is hip and hot is always good if you want to stay in the know. Please note: saying hip and in the know does not make you hip. Admitting to not understanding the movie Transformers, also, not hip.

3. The leftovers!

2. Spending time with family. Nothing like the cousins playing together and grandpa going on about the good old days.




and the number one thing I love about Thanksgiving......



.
.
.
.
.
1. The margaritas: Seriously these babies would kick Jose Cuervos ass. WHOO HOOOO

Will Blog for Swag

Okay so the LA Time recent published an article about Mommy Bloggers (Huffstutter, P.J. and Hirsh, Jerry "Blogging moms wooed by food firms" LA Times, November 15, 2009) who review products and are at time handsomely rewarded for their efforts. They receive free product and they are taken on the occasional trip. The article specifically mentions a Nestle sponsored trip and anyone who has been living outside of a dark cave for the last 30 yrs knows that Nestle is, like evil. Moms have been boycotting and protesting Nestle since the 70's (my mom being one of them). Of course this Nestle's trip erupted into various online attaches against those who attended the trip. I heard about it on Twitter, but assumed that whole 70's thing was coming back into style...you know like bell bottoms and tie dye. It was not until I read about this article on Twitter got it. What would I do without Twitter? Oh yeah, read the actual paper.

The best I can tell is that review bloggers get stuff from companies and then they blog about it. Now, I would not want to do a review blog. It just seems like too much work for not a hell of a lot of reward. I once signed up for that Bzz thing and I did receive some Children's chewable Claritin which I subsequently personally consumed. What? Don't judge me. I needed some additional Claritin last Spring and the kid stuff hit the spot. I never (until now) blogged about it, nor did I intend to, and I never reported back the Buzz people about how my 'kids' liked the product. I threw away the coupons and delete all their emails. I am a user like that when my allergies get the best of me. So, I would obviously make the world's worst review blogger. Besides I don't like review blogs, they are boring and they seem to cover the same products at the same time. You know cuz, Clorox had a special on PR that given week. So unless they are given stuff away, which some do, how much could they be making in ad revenue. Probably more than the $9.21 I banked since my blog started.

Here is my question? Can you go on one of these trip and not blog or twat about anything? If you don't mention their products will they send you a bill for the trip. Are you required to give a good review in return for your trip? Either way, those options kind of sting of shil-ism. I just don't think that the risk to ones reputation is worth the reward.

Well, unless it benefits me. I mean, I would be wiling to become the internet's first blogger who reviews luxury automobiles. Screw my rep, that is worth the reward. I will say whatever nice things are necessary to get a Benz in the driveway. So basically, PR is welcome by this Blogger from the following: BMW, Mercedes, Lexus, Maserati, Ferrari, Land Rover, and Audi. No Jaguar's please. I don't have the time to be going to the mechanic every other day. Unless of course he looks like Clive Owen, is included with the car and never ever says the word: Squirrel.

My Cup Runneth Over!

Wow! I have gotten another award. Holy Cow, you ladies are spoiling me rotten! As is always the case with these types of Blog Awards there are rules...wait are these the new chain letter....

Nope, I double checked and nothing bad will happen if I fail to follow through. Well, I guess I will look like The Jerk Store Best Seller if I don't follow through, but still that is not that bad.

Here is the Heartfelt Blog Award which was given to me by Lauren over at Thinkspin

Here now are the rules of the Heartfelt Blog Award:
1. Display the logo. Done and done
2. Nominate up to 9 blogs that make you feel comfy or warm inside. Nine and Done!
3. Link to your nominees. Done and Doner
4. Let them know they have been nominated by commenting. Done and Donner (just like Done and Doner but with canniblism)
5. Link to the person from whom you received the award. Dude, did you even look up?

And here they are, The Mom 9:

• Woman and Mom
• Wine at Five?
• Two Pretty Little Shirts
• Theta Mom
• Think Pink
• The Strength of A Mother and Her Daughter
• The Confessions of a Playground Princess
• Days of Whine and Noses
• Havoc and Mayhem
  

Cross Over!

I am a fan of both CSI and CSI:New York. Well, recently the three shows had a mass three night cross over in which Laurence Fishburne visited both Miami and New York in an attempt to solve several related crimes.

Hold on before I continue let me just say that they better have Laurence do something really kick ass soon because he is like Marius and all. So, he should be doing something kick ass at least once in a while. And that lame season opener with him kicking some guy through a plate glass window and him riding a motor cycle through a junk yard in Queens is just the tip of the ice burg as to what I except CBS to do with this character.

So back to my original post (hope you enjoyed the voyage through tangent land). While, I really like CSI and CSI:New York, I realy really, really, really freaking HATE CSI:Miami. I simply CAN NOT stand David Caruso. It does not matter what show he was in, I CAN NOT stand him. I don't get it. He is horrid. He has one expression! That is it. He drives me crazy. What is up with those damn sunglasses. Anyway, I do not normally watch CSI:Miami, but I was forced to do so because of these cross over episode. So with barf bag in hand I sat through an entire episode of CSI:Miami. I gagged and spit up the entire time. I start therapy next week for the post traumatic stress of seeing David Caruso attempt to emote using a pair of ray bans.

Needless to say, KUDOs to CBS. You got me to watch something I hate. I tuned in and stayed there for the entire hour...okay well my DVR did that for me. But still I watched something I would not normally watch. So, I am thinking where else could this happen. What other shows could helped by a well timed and placed cross over? Maybe some of our favorite cartoons can help liven up our TV dramas. Bring the kids and parents will stay!

• Dora the Explorer & CSI: Miami: Dora, Boots, Tico and the Gang at CSI Miami solve the murder of Senior Shush. At the end they all have to dance and sing, "We did it. We did it." Of course The Map will help them work their way through Miami....going from Coconut Grove to gay bars. Swipper will of course steal David's glasses! In the end Dora will leave Miami all tarted up; hereby explaining her upcoming transformation from child to tweener. You know cuz, how you gonna keep them done on the farm once they have seen the bright lights and pink walls of Miami
• Knight Rider (the original of course) & Thomas the Tank Engine: Talking cars meet talking trains. Shadowy mutli millionaire financiers The Knight Foundation and Sir Topemhat match whits as KITT and Thomas battle the evil diesel powder vehicles.
• Sam the Fireman & Trauma: The easy going Welsh stop action fireman brings a much needed sense of reality to this NBC drama. Watch dodge bullets and trannies as he attempts to blend into the overly stereotyped Trauma San Francisco scene.
• Go Diego Go & Survivor: US Virgin Island: Watch as Diego helps the animals of the US Virgin island escape the onslaught of a TV production company and a hand full of stupid, vapid people who will eat bugs to get on TV. Diego sure as hell has his work cut out for him when Shelleie, an unemployed bartender makes an evil alliance with Rhutagen, the openly dyslexic hairdresser, to replace Jeff Probst's hair gel with squid sperm.

A Major Award!

Fra-gi-le it says on the box! It must be Italian! Okay, not really. This is a cyber award, so no box and no tacky leg lamp. So, I am super excited. How does not love getting awards?

Here are the rules of the award

1. Thank the person who gave the award to you.

A big thank you to Niqi at NiqisNook. Thank you Niqi for reading my blog and for yourself having such a great blog.

2. Copy award.

Check, see above...I have some mean cut and paste skills

3. Post it in your blog.

Check, see above!

4. Tell us 7 things that your readers don't know.

• I was something like 15 before I knew that Bared Wire was pronounced bared wire and Bob Wire...something created by a guy named Bob I figured. You really need to be from the South to get the whole Bob Wire thing
• I have a sister and she is 18 years my senior
• When I was pregnant with Deedle I dreamt that I was pregnant with a girl and that we would name her Rebecca Clare.
• When I was pregnant with The K Man I dreamt that I was being molested by Satan and in the dream Satan was Kevin Bacon. Seriously I don't know how Kira Sedgwick stands the omnipresent smell of brimstone.
• I pee in the pool and I do not what you think of that. I guaran-damn-tee you, so does Michael Phelps and at least my urine will not get anyone high.
• I yell at the radio while listening to NPR.
• I am eating popcorn right now

5. Link 7 new bloggers as recipients.

• Smell the Coffee Lisa
• The Fact Woman
• The Crazy Subruban Mom
• Hormones, Headaches and Hot flashes
• Zen and the Art of Motherhood
• Best Children's Movies
• amymusings

6. Notify winners of award with comment on their blog .
Dude, I totally have to remember to do this....

7. Keep being awesome!

Seriously, do we even need this one....but of course

Possible Shirts for the New Moon Premiere

This is a pretty good all around shirt
I doubt my friend will care for this one. They are much further away from Cougar-dom than am I.

Cute and pink.

For those who love douche bags

This is hard to see but it is a Count Chocula Nascar Shirt. I don't really get that connection, but it was the only Count Chocula shirt I could find.

In the Twilight with a Twi-Cougar?

I read Dracula in high school(you know just a couple of years ago;-). That was followed by the Anne Rice novels. And lets face it, I was kind of rooting for the vampires in The Lost Boys. I was not rooting for any Anne Rice novels to be made into movies and I think that for a while Tom Cruise ruined the whole vampire thing. He has that effect on all things sexy. Not to leave out Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but somehow I missed that whole thing. I think maybe i was in college when that was on and we did not have TV reception in our dorm rooms(we could not have boys or alcohol in our dorm rooms either-positively inhumane). So much of what was on at that TV time is kind of misty to me. Regardless, I left college and entered my early 20's with a firm idea that vampires were pretty hot and cool. And they can fly and all that good stuff.


So, when a whole new set of vampire novels hit the book stores, I figured why bother. I have done this already. Do I really need to do this again? I was not going to get into it when the last of the Twilight novels was released. Of course with all the hype I could not resist. I am only human. I am not a vampire...I have literary and entertainment needs! I don't get my jollies off attacking virgins in remote mountainous towns. I need books and movies and stuff. So I put them on my Christmas list assuming that most of my relatives would ignore this request because they would be thinking that my list was somehow swapped with that of a 14 yr old girl.


Low and behold, I got all four books for Christmas. And I spent the next five days reading them non-stop. I could not put them down. Yes, I know they were hoaky. I knew they were not exactly well written. Yes, I knew they were largely pro-chasity propaganda. But I could not help myself. I was hooked! Then I started spreading my addiction to others by helpfully loaning them my books (insert evil laugh here). Twilight lust spread through my moms club like a bad case of hand and mouth disease in time!

Now on the cusp of a girl's night out to watch the soon to be released New Moon movie and amidst talk of whether to wear Team Edward, Team Jacob or Team Count Chocula (my husband's addition) t-shirts, it has come to attention that I may be a Twi-Cougar! WHAT? Surely, I am not old enough to be a cougar. I mean I am only 35-7ish and the actor playing Jacob is only......17. Okay, well that is jail term worthy. But I am sure that Pattinson kids is at least of legal majority. Although, I think Edward Cullen is a bit of a douche. Sue me, I am all practical like that. And yes, as was pointed out in the article my friend sent me about this whole Twi-Cougar thing, Edward is a really mature 108 yr old trapped in the body of a 17 yr old. That should be every woman's fantasy. Right? Wrong! I always hated dating older guys when they got all you are too young to understand_____(you fill in the blank but it usually has to do with music).
Anyway, the attraction is not exactly to the movies. Again, not A Street Car Named Desire, here. My favorite was that guy playing Jasper. He was HYSTERICAL! What a freakin' hoot!!! He looked like he had a thyroid condition! It was the books that I fell for. It was the choice that I saw before the character of Bella. I frankly would have made a different choice, but again I am overly practical and would pick someone closer to my own age. For the record I did totally understand REM! Stupid older guy thinking because he went to UGA during the 80's made him an expert on REM. Whatever. Okay, sorry for the detour...

I got caught up in a good old fashioned romance. Which was appealing perhaps because of the absence of sex. Sure there was sexual tension, but no actual sex. I find sex in movie and in books to be somewhat embarrassing. It just does nothing for me. If that makes me a Twi-Cougar, than so be it. I will don my Team Count Chocula t-shirt on Nov 21st and I will proudly enter the theater with my fellow moms and I will watch New Moon.

Okay, after I leave the house I totally putting on my Team Jacob shirt......with a disclaimer about that Jacob being a fictional character and meant for Bella not me. Boy, good thing my butt is broad, cuz that is gonna be a long shirt.

Let me back up for a minute and tell you a little about the article to which I refer. It was written by Jo Addie for Australian Vogue and despite my best efforts I cannot find a link to this article. You will just have to trust me on its existence. And I must give all credit to Ms. Addie for bringing the term Twi-Cougar into my life and for letting me know that I am not alone.

Things I Have Learned Today

Today I learned that:

• Teacher in service day means school is closed. Perhaps saying something like, school will not be open today for non daycare children would have been more direct. Hey school is supposed to teach you stuff right! Sigh.
• Four Year Old Big Boys DO NOT like going to the baby daycare at the gym were mommy has physical therapy. They DO NOT like it one bit.
• Four Year Old Big Boys do like to get special drinks from Peets (or Starbucks) to make up for the humiliation of having to go to baby daycare.
• Four Year Old Big Boys will throw up their special drink in under 2 hours of ingestion.
• There is obviously a barf magnet under the carpet in my bedroom because everyone 4 ft in height including the cat has thrown up there in the last three weeks.
• Make that twice
• The rodent that keeps getting into my garage is mocking me.
• Mushroom and Barley soup is your friend when you trying to lose weight
• Leftover rainbow chip frosting is NOT your friend when you are trying to lose weight.

Ad Mom

I am kind of getting tired of being advertised to. Seems like every product out there will make me a better more perfect mom. I call these the Super Mom commercials. There is enough natural pressure to be a good parent, but when you add in these constant images of what our lives should be like (as seen/told by an ad exec who may or may not actually own a uterus) it becomes nearly impossible to not become a neurotic mess.

Shop at Target and I will have it all...nee I will become so perfect that I will expect perfection which I can only get at Target. My ass will be thin, my children will be perfectly behaved and I will never hit a parked car in the parking lot again if I shop at Target. Okay that last part is not specifically covered in a super mom commercial, but I wish it was.

Buy Suave haircare products and I will look like I did before kids, because obviously as a mom I have 'let myself go'. Jokes on you! I never had myself, so I cannot 'let myself go'. I was a slob before I had kids!

Dove is going to help me and my daughters learn to love who we really are...okay that one is pretty good. Not that I have daughters, but I want my sons to see that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Like this 'ad', this is an ad I want my sons to see. Of course that being said, I am totally going there for our next family picture! Dude I am so going to look like Heidi Klum.

Getting My House in Order

I have been neglecting you interweb and for that I am sorry. It has been almost a week since I posted and let's face it, even that was an easy ass wordless Wednesday post. I have been distracted what with Halloween, small children, and whatnot. Also, I have been attempted to get my house in order so to speak. You know what I mean, I want it clean and somewhat organized. There is no hope that things will ever look like they did pre-kids, but I least need to be able to find the hammer. So far, I have gone through and sorted (ie given to charity) some toys, posted from baby outfits on eBay and given the rest of the old baby clothes to charity. I also managed to get my two piece of Halloween decor down on Nov. 1st. I am pretty proud of myself for that alone.

In addition, I am attempting to get my person in order. After much bitching and complaining I am finally going to see a doctor about my foot. I do indeed have Plantar Fasciitis and Heel spurs. I have a sleeping splint on order and I start PT on Friday. Wish me luck, because I need this pain to go AWAY! I also have an appointment to see my eye doctor on Wed. Now, I have no eye problems other then needing glasses, but I think I really need some new ones( glassed, not eyes). Think, Tina Fey. Oh and I went to the gym today and swam laps. It only hurt my foot a little...which does not really make sense because like I don't stand to swim. Whatever, I got my big butt moving and that is all that really matters.

Be back soon!!!