Daddy, Why is mommy naked? Possible and often plausible excuses to free you from one of parenting's most awkward moments.
Meteorological: It is hot outside and she was very warm, so she took her clothes off.
Medical: Monthly mole check
Exhaustion:She was putting on her pajamas, got really tired and decided to lay down.
Fashion: Mommy's not naked. Her clothing is just clear.
Political: Why is mommy naked? That is a good question, but we need to put it into context. I am not sure that, that is mommy and I cannot verify truly that she is indeed naked.
Knee-Jerk: What? Naked? Mommy's not naked. Go back to bed!
Just Plain Jerk: I told you to put a lock on the damn door.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Weight Loss Update
Not having posted in a while I have not had a chance to brag endlessly about my weight loss success. What was I thinking? I should have posted this a long time ago. At the third picture was taken I had lost a total of 34.5 pounds. I am now at 37. The loss has slowed down a bit, but it is still happening. I have started lifting weights and doing some circuit training, so that should help kick things back into gear.
Here is my muscly arm, after only one month lifting
Here is my muscly arm, after only one month lifting
And here are my legs.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Run, Cicero, Run!
"Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book."
~Cicero
Okay, I normally loathe a quoter, but today I am the quoter. I suppose this is self loathing at an all new low, or would that be high. I digress. It seems as though everyone wants to write a book or at the very least everyone has written a book. That oompa loo from the Jersey Shore even wrote a book. Imagine what good ole Cicero would think of her, where he to spy her walking along to the Forum. Surely he would think she was some sort of monster sent from the gods to destroy Rome....hold on just a second. I think that has already happened. Not to be outdone by anyone I too am going to write a book. A memoir of my life. Here are some of my better title ideas:
I, Amy
The Mom: A Confessional
The Confessions of a Stay at Home Mom (shut up~one persons redundancy is another persons branding)
The Bible (what I want it to see a lot of copies don't I)
Completely Untrue: A Memoir (this one allows for a high level of plausible deniability)
Basically, these are all about my life, only the version were I took mescaline. Because my real life is most about taking sharp things away from children.
~Cicero
Okay, I normally loathe a quoter, but today I am the quoter. I suppose this is self loathing at an all new low, or would that be high. I digress. It seems as though everyone wants to write a book or at the very least everyone has written a book. That oompa loo from the Jersey Shore even wrote a book. Imagine what good ole Cicero would think of her, where he to spy her walking along to the Forum. Surely he would think she was some sort of monster sent from the gods to destroy Rome....hold on just a second. I think that has already happened. Not to be outdone by anyone I too am going to write a book. A memoir of my life. Here are some of my better title ideas:
I, Amy
The Mom: A Confessional
The Confessions of a Stay at Home Mom (shut up~one persons redundancy is another persons branding)
The Bible (what I want it to see a lot of copies don't I)
Completely Untrue: A Memoir (this one allows for a high level of plausible deniability)
Basically, these are all about my life, only the version were I took mescaline. Because my real life is most about taking sharp things away from children.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
I'm Sorry, What?
Admittedly it has been a while since I posted on the blog. I have managed to keep up with my cooking blog, but getting stuff down over here proved to more than I could handle. I have hopes that as schedule lightens up this summer and I spend more "quality time" with the children I will have more fodder for the blog.
Here is just a sample of what you have been missing because I have been lazy.
me: I cannot believe that women in this country have only be able to vote since 1920 and even then we were often treated as chattel.
him: I know, and this was in my great-grandmother's time.
me: I know. My grandmother got married and started the long arduous task to birthing NINE children, but she could not vote. And she never learned to drive, because my grandfather did not think women should drive. He did not even want his daughters to learn, but luckily their brothers all thought that was bunk and taught them anyway. Hell, even you think women are physically inferior.
him: Well, they are.
me: (starts to rear up and get pissed). We may not have upper body strength, but we more than make up for that with lower body strength and a high threshold for pain. It is not inferior, just different.
him: Okay, different. My point is just that I man could easily hurt or kill a woman, but a woman could not so easily hurt or kill a man. If I attacked you right now, I could do some serious damage to you, but if you attacked me you could not kill me.
me: Oh really. That's sounds like a challenge to me.
him: What?
Here is just a sample of what you have been missing because I have been lazy.
me: I cannot believe that women in this country have only be able to vote since 1920 and even then we were often treated as chattel.
him: I know, and this was in my great-grandmother's time.
me: I know. My grandmother got married and started the long arduous task to birthing NINE children, but she could not vote. And she never learned to drive, because my grandfather did not think women should drive. He did not even want his daughters to learn, but luckily their brothers all thought that was bunk and taught them anyway. Hell, even you think women are physically inferior.
him: Well, they are.
me: (starts to rear up and get pissed). We may not have upper body strength, but we more than make up for that with lower body strength and a high threshold for pain. It is not inferior, just different.
him: Okay, different. My point is just that I man could easily hurt or kill a woman, but a woman could not so easily hurt or kill a man. If I attacked you right now, I could do some serious damage to you, but if you attacked me you could not kill me.
me: Oh really. That's sounds like a challenge to me.
him: What?
No husband were harmed in the writing of this blog post.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Mustaches and Other Strange Household Conversations.
Me: I need to go get a pedicure and have my mustache situation taken care of.
Hubbers: What mustache situation?
Me: This one (touching my upper lip). I'm starting to look like Tom Selleck.
Hubbers: Or Willford Brimley.
Me: NO! (I smack Hubbers at this point to make certain I have driven my point home)Tom Selleck. I get to pick the person for my mustache analogy and I want to pick someone who was hot when I was a kid. So, that person is Tom Sellack, NOT Willford Brimely
Hubbers: I was thinking Willford Brimely because his mustache was bushier and I was being ironic because you actually do not have a mustache.
Me: Your irony is lost on me good sir!
Hubbers: You know, Tom Selleck has aged well.
Me: I know(rolling eyes), that is why I picked him
Hubbers: for your mustache analogy....
Me: (insert heavy put upon sigh here) Yes. I mean he is no Gregory Harrison, but he is doing okay.
Hubbers: You're going to blog about this now, aren't you.
Me: Hell yes. That okay?
Hubbers: Sure. I'm not the one with the crazy faux mustache.
Hubbers: What mustache situation?
Me: This one (touching my upper lip). I'm starting to look like Tom Selleck.
Hubbers: Or Willford Brimley.
Me: NO! (I smack Hubbers at this point to make certain I have driven my point home)Tom Selleck. I get to pick the person for my mustache analogy and I want to pick someone who was hot when I was a kid. So, that person is Tom Sellack, NOT Willford Brimely
Hubbers: I was thinking Willford Brimely because his mustache was bushier and I was being ironic because you actually do not have a mustache.
Me: Your irony is lost on me good sir!
Hubbers: You know, Tom Selleck has aged well.
Me: I know(rolling eyes), that is why I picked him
Hubbers: for your mustache analogy....
Me: (insert heavy put upon sigh here) Yes. I mean he is no Gregory Harrison, but he is doing okay.
Hubbers: You're going to blog about this now, aren't you.
Me: Hell yes. That okay?
Hubbers: Sure. I'm not the one with the crazy faux mustache.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Don't Worry. I'm Still Here and I'm Still Weird
I have not updated my blog ins months at this point. There is no real reason for that, except that this blog has always been very much fueled by my angst. Whether it was angst at having PPD, or angst with my weight issues, or personal issues......angst was always at that core of what drove this blog. Well over the past 6-8 months I have lost my angst and this is a good thing, don't get me wrong. Being happy is a way better thing then not being happy. For those people who have not tried or are perpetually unhappy might I suggest you give it a whirl, cuz it rocks the Casbah. Well, right about now you might be saying to yourself, 'Amy, how the fuck do I go about being happy?' That gentle reader is not something I can tell you really. Your path to happiness is yours alone and no one else can really even guide you along that path. You have to go it alone, or you will never go it, at all. I can only tell you about what I have done to attain happiness.
First: I stopped giving a shit about ANYONE, other than myself and my kids. So now I do pretty much was Amy, The K-Man and The Deedle want and need. Please don't feel bad for Hubbers because a happy wife makes for a happy husband. He just sets around and smiles...or maybe he has had a stroke.
Second: I started exercising. I know this sounds hackneyed at this point, but dammit this shit is better than Prozac. I start to feel overwhelmed or pissed off and I just got a run or a walk. Best damn thing ever. I highly recommend.
Third: I took control of my eating habits. I eat more of what my body needs and less of what my sadness wants. I limit eating out and I rarely participate in any social outings that revolve around food. It just makes life easier.
Fourth: I stopped giving a shit about ANYONE, other than myself and my kids...No this one is so damn good, I had to say it again. Come one moms, we put everyone else first and this is our nature. But we need to start putting ourselves first if we are going to be able to take care of everyone else.
And then blog about it. Either you'll feel better or you'll piss off eveyone else, which also feels good.
First: I stopped giving a shit about ANYONE, other than myself and my kids. So now I do pretty much was Amy, The K-Man and The Deedle want and need. Please don't feel bad for Hubbers because a happy wife makes for a happy husband. He just sets around and smiles...or maybe he has had a stroke.
Second: I started exercising. I know this sounds hackneyed at this point, but dammit this shit is better than Prozac. I start to feel overwhelmed or pissed off and I just got a run or a walk. Best damn thing ever. I highly recommend.
Third: I took control of my eating habits. I eat more of what my body needs and less of what my sadness wants. I limit eating out and I rarely participate in any social outings that revolve around food. It just makes life easier.
Fourth: I stopped giving a shit about ANYONE, other than myself and my kids...No this one is so damn good, I had to say it again. Come one moms, we put everyone else first and this is our nature. But we need to start putting ourselves first if we are going to be able to take care of everyone else.
And then blog about it. Either you'll feel better or you'll piss off eveyone else, which also feels good.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Sweet Misery
There was on the interweb last week an article from Forbes which rated the misery level of American cities. Read it for yourself, here. The criteria by which this list was made are not immediately evident to me, but I am a yahoo article skimmer. So, admittedly I could have missed the intense scientific misery calculations used in this study. Sadly 8 of the 20 cities on the list are in California, mostly because we have been fucked the hardest by the housing crisis. For example, the Hubbers and I spent roughly 8 billion dollars on our Hobbit house, which is now worth 50 cents. This sucks ass for sure, but do not worry about us we will dig our way out even if it takes us 30 years. Of course for many many others job losses or an irresponsible financial past have caused them to lose their homes. I feel sorry for those who have lost their jobs. I am kinda pissed at people who did stupid shit, but then hey I do stupid shit all time; so I try not to judge too harshly.
Back to the list, California cities make up 4 of the top 5 on this 20 city list. Most of these cities are not far from were we live. And while things are bad here in California, I would like to remind people that this is still California and that this is a pretty sweet place to live even in bad times. So before you other cities get to smug or before my fellow Californians lose hope (or move to Idaho) let me remind you of one things. It was 73 degrees here yesterday, February 6th. That is right, 73 degrees.
Back to the list, California cities make up 4 of the top 5 on this 20 city list. Most of these cities are not far from were we live. And while things are bad here in California, I would like to remind people that this is still California and that this is a pretty sweet place to live even in bad times. So before you other cities get to smug or before my fellow Californians lose hope (or move to Idaho) let me remind you of one things. It was 73 degrees here yesterday, February 6th. That is right, 73 degrees.
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